Subtle Art of a Mindful Listening

Listening is a process in which we simply hear what others have to say , our brain receives the signal, based on our emotions, thinking, belief system and wiring of a brain, we interpret and trying to understand what it means.

Most of the time it is taken for granted, without bringing into our awareness, we simply react and listen while we carry out other activities.Most of our day day listening encounters are at unconscious level.

Listening is half of all communications.

A good Listening is essential to gain knowledge, wisdom, new learning ,analyze and solve problems, conflict resolution, it shows respect to other individual, helps to connect with others on a deeper level .Good listening improves, establish and cultivate positive relationship.

Why am I listening?

Listening serves important goals and purposes in life.

• Informational Listening.-We listen to gain knowledge, information and learning.(e.g watching news, attending a lecture, seminars,etc.)
• Analytical Listening.-We listen to evaluate, scrutinize and analyze a situation for a problem solving.
• Appreciative Listening.-We listen for entertainment, joy and enlightenment. ( e.g listening to music , poetry etc.)
• Empathetic Listening.-We listen to understand feeling and emotions of others.( e.g. Listening to loved one, a friend , colleague etc.)
• Rapport Building Listening.-We listen to build a rapport and gain trust of someone.(e.g. sales,negotiation ,romantic date, etc.)

Bring Clarity ,Awareness and Choice to a Mindful listening.Get clarity on your purpose to listen, by asking question- Why am I listening? Bring conscious awareness to your listening.Our Perception, Attitude, Belief system and Emotions can interfere with a good listening.

• Perception.Speakers popularity, credibility, comptence, charisma , styles , personality can alter our perception, which either persuade or dissuade us from listening.Vividness and graphic effect can alter the message being delivered in verbatim
• Attitude and Mindset.When we listen with an open mind, we are open to new information and we listen with the beginners mind, without judgment and biases. Being judgmental and closed minded, we tend to be a selective listener, we may filter out and limit our listening.
• Belief and value.-We tend to listen what supports our own belief and values.
• Emotions.-Emotions colors our perception and alter our interpretation of what we hear.At times, during conversation emotional response get triggered early in the process which may interrupt or terminate the conversation totally.
• Choice.-Make an intelligent choice.Do not waste your time and energy by listening to Gossip, Complaining, Negativity and Dogmatism.

We need to listen with our Ears, Mind,Eyes and Heart.

●Listen with your Ears and Brain -Cognitive listening.Stay focused and pay close attention to the words being said.Choose an environment which is safe quite and devoid of any distractions.Give your full attention and make the speaker feel important.Be an active listener.

●Listen with your Mind-Mindful listening.Be present and stay focused.Set your mindset to listen with positive attitude and an open mind, be non judgmental and non-critical about what is being said, don’t let your emotions, your own belief system interfere with your listening.Establish trust, have focus concentration onto the speaker, stop talking, stop thinking about what are you going to say next, do not interrupt.Control your emotions, control your urge to speak, don’t get irritated or impatient ,don’t be judgmental or critical about what is being said, don’t jump into conclusion, don’t be a fortune teller and assume what speaker is going to say next, and to make it worse don’t complete the speaker’s statement.
Reflect back what is being said which will create more emotional response in limbic system of the speaker, which will create deeper level connection. In doubt ask intelligent questions for clarification, use silence when necessary.Pay close attention to the emotions involved.

●Listen with your Eyes- Kinesics listening.Pay close attention to your Body language and body language of the speakers.Create a good eye contact without starring, smile and nod intermittently to acknowledge and affirm what speaker is saying, engage and connect with the speaker on a deeper level, relax and lean forward , don’t get distracted by doodling or looking out the window, mirror the body language of the speaker.
Pay attention to speaker’s facial expression, emotions , tone, pace and pitch of the voice and other non verbal communications.

●Listen with your Heart-Empathetic listening.Try to understand the feeling and emotions of the speaker without being judgmental, critical, problem solver or adviser.Encourage speaker to explain and elaborate their feeling and emotions.Reframe the speaker’s experience in a positive way to uplift the speaker’s morale and self esteem.